The truth is this summer I fell back into the eating disorders hardcore and when I stood up I told them all I was fine (even though I'm not.) I guess it all started with my sister's wedding although I would like to say I'm not using this as an excuse. I bought my bridesmaids dress about a year ago and then a week before the wedding I tried it on. It didn't fit, I had gained twelve pounds this summer and it didn't fit.
The week before pretty much all I ate was protein shakes and low and behold the wedding day comes and it fit. Then at campmeeting I didn't eat very much really. Finally on the last night I ate the biggest meal I had eaten all week: a hamburger and french fries.
At late night I told everyone I was going to go buy a soda, when in reality all I did was go into the Lions Dorm bathroom and shove my finger down my throat.
I layed on the floor in the bathroom stall for I don't know how long. Finally, I figuered I had emptied my stomach of everything so I left.
Afterwards, I didn't feel good like I normally do. Honestly, I looked and felt like crap. Then I went back and acted like I was normal. I even sang some freaking worship songs. I had the nerve to pretend like everything is just awesome and that's a lie.
The biggest lie is me saying I'm fine, when in reality I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be fine.
I'll leave you with this:
"Here I starve for perfection/ Something I can't obtain. I sit and gaze upon my reflection/ I start to feel the drain."- "Perfection" The Beautiful&Rundown
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