I feel like everything is always so up and down. Can't at least one thing in my life be stable? I'm getting so sick and tired of being torn apart all the time. I know its my own fault because I'm always complaining about how all my relationships are effed up and then I just keep entering new ones.
After awhile it seems like no one can love me. I know what you all are thinking,"What are you talking about Joy? Everyone loves you." Yes, I get that, but do they love the real me is the question. I try to look happy because I'm starting to feel like everyone just puts up with me because they have to. Like honestly, I get tired of hearing all my own problems, how on earth would no one else get tired of it?
The one person I thought I could talk to about everything says that its bringing him down. That hurts a lot actually. A lot more then it probably should. But you know if I can't trust him to listen to me without getting pissed off, then who can I trust?
It's like I'm stuck in an eeny meeny miny mo game. Like people are just trying to choose between me and them. I get that I'm probably bringing him down, and that everything's always my fault. I want to try harder to not mess up.
I should probably just stop talking since I wouldn't want to bring whoever reads this blog down. My freaking bad. let me work on that mkay?
Whatever, I'm just so done with feeling like as soon as I fix one thing something else has to freaking get messed up. Why can't everything just be ok at the same time?
"I'm falling in love, and its falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start"
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